The Wall

I keep taking one step. A step closer to the deepest and darkest corners of solitude in the mighty castle round the ice cape. How can I love when I am afraid to fall. That's what I got for letting myself believe the foolish illusions that idle minds built. Of late, my mind works like clockwork. It says do this, then thinks up a really good reason not to it and before I know it I am at a crossroads. This new year is bringing a lot of changes, many people will disagree, but many will agree. My life is going to take a drastic change, a calm and exerting change.

Gone will be the selfless desires, it will al be about reinventing myself, it will all be about what I can do to change for the better or worse. Who knows? Surrely not me. Life is not as we always plan, it makes drastic and angry changes once we start walking. There's a darkness that fills the very tips of my essence. It consumes me with hate and anger. At times I wonder why I don't break but it is down to one small fact. Hate can be tempered by reason, but sometimes it is better to let it out else be consumed. Ergo some people believe that they are better than the rest but that is false.

On all accounts, none can know the actual beauty of a flower unless they manage to peer through the darkness. You will not see the way the soft velvet petals run round the stigma. nly the sweet smell hall tell you of its potential but who knows some people love no flowers.

Returning to the darkness that builds up eachday inside of me. I don't know how to temper it anymore. The reason I once had to keep it locked up in the deep embers of my soul, is at its limit. I see no way forward for myself anymore in tempering the all consuming darkness. The scales are slowly being tipped. Slowly turning me into something I once fought to hold off. The anger that envelopes the peace makes me withdraw away from the world.

I withdraw to a hidden sanctuary in myself. Safe behind walls of stone and earth pieced together by the strongest of forces. The walls are so high that even the best cllimbers and scalers in the Milky Way would cower away in fear of falling to their death. This mighty wall keeps me safe from ever letting myself believe. It keeps the pain and hurt with me. It keeps me in perspective of what I should never do and what I should never have to endure again. The walls shall be my safety and I shall stay there for as long as it takes.

I have no desire to emerge nor let someone else in. It would only seem to work against me if ever I did. So I would rather stay ther, safe from the pointless illusion of idle and bored minds.....

TO BE CONTINUED